Sunday, March 11, 2007

Pact with the Devil

Paul Truong, Mikhail Korenman, Susan Polgar, and Randy Bauer
from Susan Polgar's Blog. Artwork used with permission.

Dear Susan Polgar,
Here is my short story entitled “Peter Piper Picked a Pact with the Devil”. I hope you can publish it on your blog.
Peter Piper

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Dear Peter Piper,
I am sorry but while I will accept short chess fiction, I cannot accept this story. The theme of playing the devil a game of chess with the stake being one’s immortal soul is one of the oldest clich├ęs. This kind of story has been done many times. Too many times.
Susan Polgar

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Dear Susan Polgar,
I have revised my story and again ask you to publish it on your blog.
Peter Piper

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Dear Peter Piper,
Once again, I cannot accept your new story entitled “Peter Piper Played a Poisoned Pawn with the Devil”, even though I know this variation of the Najdorf Sicilian. I just don’t do pact with the devil stories. Sorry.
Susan Polgar

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Dear Susan Polgar,
This is a brand new story about a manufacturer of chess clocks. It is entitled, “So Hard, So Firmly Packed (with the Devil)”.
Peter Piper

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Dear Mr. Piper,
I do not do pact with the devil stories – no matter how cleverly they are disguised.
Susan Polgar

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Dear Susan Polgar,
Didn’t you serve refreshments at the awards ceremony in Texas? Then you will appreciate my new story, “Peter Piper Packed Devils Food Cake to the Polgar Playoffs”. I’m sure you’ll agree that this will be a swell addition to your blog.
Peter Piper

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Mr. Piper,
I am sure that I do NOT agree. Maybe I’ve not made myself clear. This still involves you playing a game of chess with the devil for your soul. This is a pact with the devil story. I DO NOT DO PACT WITH THE DEVIL STORIES!
Susan Polgar

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Dear Susan Polgar,
Maybe if I changed the story to deviled eggs?
Peter Piper

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Piper,
No! Not with eggs, not with ham, not with green eggs and ham, Sam-I-am. – oh, never mind. Susan has asked me to look into your pact with the devil mania. You will stop harassing her with your pact with the devil stories at once!
Paul Truong

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Dear Paul Truong,
According to your instructions, I am sending you my latest story for Susan’s blog. It is titled, “Peter Piper Played Chess with the Devil”.
Peter Piper

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Piper,
You misunderstood. I did not mean for you to send your stories to me instead. Do not send your stories to me. Do not send your stories to Susan. Do not send your stories to either one of us. Susan does not do pact with the devil stories!

I’m sure that Susan would consider a chess story on any other topic. What is at the bottom with your strange obsession with pact with the devil stories? I don’t mean to be rude but perhaps you should seek psychological help.
Paul Truong

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Dear Paul Truong,
Sadly, I am beyond psychological help. You see, I in fact did make a pact with the devil. The chess game was really beautiful, too. But at the last moment, just as I was going to queen my pawn, I moved into a knight fork. He gave me one last chance. I had to get a pact with the devil story on Susan’s blog by the end of the month or my soul was forfeit. My time is up and he will be coming for me any minute now. So you see, Susan won’t have to worry about me anymore.
Peter Piper

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Dear Susan,
Here’s copies of my e-mails with Peter Piper. Remember him? I have this odd feeling we won’t be hearing from him anymore.
Paul

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Dear Paul,
I didn’t want to say this before but there was this really odd character that showed up at the Polgar Playoffs. He said he’d play me a game of chess for my immortal soul and I said, “Sure, why not?” Why I just sat down and played a total stranger a game of chess, I don’t know. I just felt this strange urge to do so. Anyway, it was no big deal. The guy was a total patzer. Wandered into a skewer on move 13. I kept having these weird desires to place my pieces into knight forks. So I traded his knights and crushed him off. You don’t suppose this had anything to do with Peter Piper’s story, do you?
Susan

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Dear Susan Polgar,
I just wrote a spiffy piece of chess fiction. I call it, “Peter Piper Picked a Pact with the Devil.” Will you publish it on your blog?
Jack Le Moine

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Jack,

That was funny! Very good.

Alpheta (Chessville)